January 9 – 12, 2014 of this year, we were fortunate enough to go to our third GCN [Gay Christian Network] Conference. Every year it changes location to a different major city in the US – this year was Chicaaaaaaago! While no one could have planned the Polar Vortex-thingie…. the amount of love and warmth created by this absolutely beautiful community was more than enough to keep everyone warm. Plus… I brought a really thick scarf.
I am always blown away by the experience of a GCN Conference, and this year was no different, if not even moreso!
Even today, a few weeks after returning, I am still unpacking all the amazing moments we had there. I honestly can’t even remember all the awesomeness that happened throughout those few days, but man, I came home with a soul overflowing with encouragement, hope, and thankfulness. Below is a pic of the group at one of the sessions during worship.
This year was GCN’s biggest conference ever, with over 700 people in attendance. There were barely any free seats! What AMAZES me…. is that these people go out of their way to be there – take holidays, pay for flights from all over the world, work all year to save up – because they just want to worship God in a safe place with their friends and the one they love. When we walked into the sanctuary, God’s presence and peace that filled the room was palpable. It was truly a humbling experience. There is not even a smidgen of fakeness [?] that comes so often with other “Christian conferences”. This is the one place everyone can truly be real, and it is such an amazingly beautiful thing. I wish there was another word for beautiful, I would use it!!
Here are a few things that stood out for me [and Tams]…. I will post pics to coincide, so it isn’t just a block of boring text. Yawn. (Although, if you have made it this far, CONGRATS!)
The night before we flew out of Seattle, the amazing Linda & Rob Robertson invited us to stay overnight so we could all go to the airport in the morning. What a fun night of chatting, eating pizza, and just so much encouragement. We love them so much!!
First thing once we made it to the hotel in downtown Chicago, was the Women’s Retreat. I just loved running into everyone that first day – this being our third year, it feels more and more like we just meet up with our huge family that keeps getting bigger! It’s the absolute BEST family reunion in the world. Depending on who you know in the GCN circles, you may recognize the likes of Wendy Gritter, Kathy Baldock and Lisa Salazar in the below group shot. Three amazing women we are proud to call our friends!
Here’s a shot of the group who made it to the Women’s Retreat – awesome amount of ladies for it only being the second year! What a great time of encouragement, getting to meet some new ladies, and a great way to start the conference!
We had some time before the first main session, so a bunch of us went back to our hotel room and did what only makes sense – ordered Chicago deep-dish pizza of course!
Oh my wife is so incredibly adorable. 😉
While a bunch of us were piled on our two beds and sitting on the floor, sharing pieces of this crazy thick pizza, and catching up on things that happened since the last GCN Conference… I was just so… happy. Through this ministry of GCN, we have made so many authentic and lasting friendships, it truly amazes me. I love these people so much! 🙂
The first main session that night was Rev. Christine Wiley – who, along with her husband, ministers at a huge church in Washington, DC. I am sorry, but SHE WAS AWESOME! I loved what she had to say, and I LOVE how she said it! She is a powerhouse, and what her and her husband have done in support of the LGBT community is unbelievable. She was challenging everyone – are we being our most authentic selves today? For Jesus and for the world? One thing she said that really stayed with me was this:
“There is in every person, something that waits for the sound of the genuine.”
– Rev. Christine Wiley
The next day was the first full day of the conference – and MAN was it full! Linda and Rob Robertson had their keynote that morning, which started off with the animated short I was able to help them out with. For the full story on that, please read my previous post: “Just Because He Breathed: The Animation”. Here is a shot someone took of it playing on the big screen.
Here is a pic I like to call “The Robertson Posse” – taken right before they took the stage for their keynote.
Us with their daughter – and now our new bff – Lindsey! Darnit, the whole family is just amazing! 🙂
OH MY WORD. There was not a dry eye in the entire 700+ people that surrounded us as we all listened intently to their beautiful and tragic story of their son Ryan. They are just so full of love and vulnerability, and are so completely committed to loving the gay Christian community, it blows me away. So many people identified with their story, since coming out can not only be hard on the gay person, it of course is hard on the family.
But reconciliation is possible, if we all put love first, and that is the hope in this story.
THAT was another amazing thing from this year different from other years – the amount of parents that came to GCN, in support of their gay children, or wanting to know more and how to love better. SO amazing!
What really grabbed my heart out of my chest, was all the parents wore “Free Mom Hugs” or “Free Dad Hugs” throughout the entire conference. My own struggles with my parents and my family definitely made this more emotional for me.
Literally, people would run up to parents they didn’t know for hugs because they can’t get one from their own. That blew me away. That is God. So much hurt has been felt for so many people, and how healing one hug can be. I only met a few, but THANK YOU to all the parents who came out to show their support. You will never know how truly powerful that is to people like me.
Later that day, something else huge happened for us. (Truly, this weekend was amazing!!) Tams and I had decided – it was Tams’ idea in fact! – to put on a workshop of our own. Throughout the conference, different speakers are asked to put on workshops that people can attend, on a variety of topics. Some on how to deal with your church and sexuality, some on just different faith journeys, some for parents, some were Q&A’s with the keynote speakers.
We decided it was time to share our story and put ourselves out there and be vulnerable. We called it “50 Shades of Grace: A Lesbian Love Story”.
We have been together almost 10 years, married for 3 this May – and things have of course not always been perfect or easy. But we try to love each other as best we can, and put Christ at the center – so we thought, why not talk about it! Here’s a pic right before we “went on”!
90 minutes is a long time to listen to us talk! But, amazingly, everyone DID listen! To be honest, we were blown away by the response. We had one of the biggest rooms for our workshop, and as we started our session, the room kept filling up until there was no room and people were even standing at the back! I was shocked. Even more shocking to me – more than half of the room was made up of men! I was so happy to see our gay brothers sitting there listening to us, but I was surprised! We shared our ups and downs, what has helped us from day to day, had a little break-out session, and then did a Q&A.
We had literally about 15 people that came up to us after individually, just so thankful that we shared and said they were so encouraged by it. WOW. That was worth the price of admission right there for me!
That night was a concert by Bobby Jo Valentine – love that guy’s sound! He is a gay Christian himself, and was not only talented but adorable. And of course Derek Webb – see below. A great evening of music, and a time to sit and marinate with all the great things that happened so far.
The next day started with yet another amazing speaker – Rachel Held Evans. I had never seen her speak in person, I have (like any other “good Christian”) been following her extremely popular and relevant blog for a long time. But I was very interested that she was coming to the GAY Christian Network to speak – gotta love that girl!! Not afraid of the backlash! I especially loved her distinction between not just being a straight ally to the gay community – but us all being brothers and sisters together. What a beautiful image that is! She said:
“Allies have a shared enemy. Brothers and sisters have a shared identity.”
– Rachel Held Evans
One other amazing thing she shared with us was about the gospel. If you look back in the Bible, it is so interesting to see who God calls, and who He chooses to use. I loved what she said:
“What makes the gospel offensive isn’t who it keeps out but who it lets in.
…And who it calls to lead. “
– Rachel Held Evans
Her own thoughts on her experience at GCN entitled “Unstoppable Grace” is WELL worth reading! Thank you Rachel, thank you so so much. I had a chance to meet her very quickly, and she is exactly as you would hope.
That night was sharing time. Every conference, they have an evening with an open mike, and people can come up and share what they have experienced throughout the conference. OH MY WORD is it powerful! SO many amazing stories, parents who have accepted their kids, people who are struggling and have found love in this community, people who just felt God’s presence again after years of feeling nothing. Unbelievable. Truly.
The last morning is a traditional liturgical service, which is so absolutely beautiful. That is ANOTHER amazing thing about this community – it is made up of countless denominations and faiths, even though it’s called the Gay “Christian” Network.
But the wonderful thing is – no one cares! You love God, you are here, let’s worship together!
Wow, wow, wow. Isn’t that what true church is meant to be? There was also a choir made up of people from the conference who just wanted to sing – they were amazing!
After that is the traditional ending to the GCN Conference – we all get in a massive circle for a last goodbye and chat with everyone, and they also do their thank yous and announce next year’s location. Time for some last minute pics with all these beautiful souls!
Oh and of course we did manage a couple hours of seeing Chicago before we left! Myopic Books, Potbelly’s for amazing sandwiches (and cookies!), and of course a visit to Cloudgate (aka the Millennium Bean).
I have a huge passion for this ministry GCN, I can not say enough good things about it. Thanks to everyone we met, talked to, ate with or listened to – you all made me proud to be a part of this precious gay Christian community. Next year – PORTLAND, here we come!!!
Video Posted on Updated on
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
– The Apostle Paul, Ephesians 4:2-3
(Our interview with Bruxy is at about the 29 min mark.)
[In case it doesn’t work, link to the video here, click on Video button.]
It so happens lately – I believe through a lot of prayer and our attempt at living authentically – that opportunities have been cropping up for Tams and I to share a bit of our thoughts on faith and being gay. Or being a gay married couple, and still clinging to our faith. For many, that still does not compute.
And that’s okay.
I spent many years wrestling with that, and I will be the first to understand that any sort of conclusion doesn’t get reached lightly. My goal in sharing my truth is not to convince people that being gay is right, but that there is love for all, in all stages of this journey. Love is the first and foremost. Do I still wrestle with tension in my conservative family and background on this? Yes. Does God give me peace that that’s ok? Absolutely. But let’s dialog, let’s talk, let’s communicate – in love – that we don’t all have to agree. We are all equal at the foot of the cross, and there is room to disagree. Let’s pour our energies into figuring out how to love each other well, instead of trying to be “right” in our own interpretation of Scripture.
Through these many years of journeying this issue, I have made friends on all ends of the spectrum. And some we agree and cheer each other on, and some we disagree – and still manage to cheer each other on – and THAT’S the beauty of God in the midst of it. One of those dear friends is Bruxy Cavey, teaching pastor at The Meeting House church in Ontario. He is also author of an amazing book, “The End of Religion”. The stance at The Meeting House is quite clear on not affirming same-sex marriage. But Brux is able to celebrate Tams and I in our relationship with each other and with him. What a beautiful picture that is to me! It’s not “I love you BUT…”, it’s “I love you.” And that we are trying to embody that verse from Ephesians is so incredibly encouraging to me.
Sort of out of the blue, Brux asked if he could interview us for a current series they are working through entitled Modern Family. We were going to be seeing him in the Vancouver area for a concert anyway, so a few weeks ago we did a mini video shoot and taped some thoughts on this topic that they edited for a short clip in his message. This can be seen in the embedded video – our interview is about 30 minutes in – Bruxy leads up to it around 25 minutes in, but the whole message is worth listening to. [The whole series is definitely worth listening to, btw!] This is obviously a drop in the bucket in terms of how much this issue will need continuing dialog on, but how amazing is it that there are many out there willing to at least sit down and have that dialog! So thankful am I.
Also wanted to mention, another dear friend of ours, Wendy Gritter, was also interviewed in this message briefly, and she is a true champion for the sexual minorities in the church. Her ministry New Direction has been focusing on what is called Generous Spaciousness within the church – to allow for people of faith to have room to work out these incredibly hard issues of sexual identity. Wendy is a personal hero of mine, and has just been such a great friend and encourager to Tams and I throughout our long journey.
This is an exciting [and scary] time to be a gay Christian. And I feel it’s also an incredibly huge privilege AND responsibility. Those are two massive labels that carry with them their own baggage; nevermind combining them into a new package of chaos and confusion. But, hopefully, with love at the forefront – and as Apostle Paul says – trying desperately to be humble, gentle and patient, we can make a difference. We can learn from each other and admit we don’t have all the answers. But surely we can love each other better.
Bottom line – don’t be afraid to love too much. I know on my death bed it will be the one thing I will be so incredibly proud to say I did recklessly.